• criticism
• contempt
• defensiveness
• stonewalling
Shane Birkel interviews Laura Heck – Gottman approach
I’m listening to Shane Birkel interview Laura Heck.
017: Using Gottman Interventions to Enhance Intimacy with Laura Heck
[You can listen to all Shane’s podcasts on your phone if you have a podcast app. Search forThe Couple Therapists Couch. I use Pocket Casts.]
I wanted to jot down some bullet points so thought – blog, why not.
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The Survival Dance that gets in the way of the Encounter
We flee or fight to avoid pain. In psychodrama we call those ways of being the coping roles. The path to the progressive, being fully alive, is to be with the vulnerability of the pain and attend to it. This can’t really be done alone, yet no-one can do it for you.
This is a universal idea and present in many modalities.
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The title of this post comes from Hedy Schleifer’s ECcT – Encounter Centred Couple Therapy. On her website she says:
“I want them to leave knowing that the “survival dance’ that they have been dancing for such a long time is “not’ who they are in their essence.”
Continue reading “The Survival Dance that gets in the way of the Encounter”
Fluid form
Edge: THE MATHEMATICS OF LOVE: A Talk with John Gottman:
(JOHN GOTTMAN:) I look at relationships. What’s different about what I do, compared with most psychologists, is that for me the relationship is the unit, rather than the person. What I focus on is a very ephemeral thing, which is what happens between people when they interact. It’s not either person, it’s something that happens when they’re together. It is like a structure that they’re building by the way they interact. And I think of it that way, almost like a fleeting architectural fluid form that people are creating as they talk to each other, as they smile, as they move.
So Gottman too! The relationship is the unit, the locus of the therapy not the individual people.
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I expect a heap of posts will automatically appear below so no need to say more!
Later But they didn’t, not as I expected. This quote is related to an earlier post of mine: https://psyberspace.walterlogeman.com/2010/people-myth/