This is inspiring. It takes two to mess up a relationship, but only one to fix it.
The relationship has the answer to the relationship problem
I like the related posts feature in this blog. Just noticed one that had this passage. Fits well indeed with the previous post:
… right here, now, in the relationship is the solution to the relationship problem. How to get there might be painful and hard, you will need to learn skills, make effort, but individual therapy or leaving, or searching for a better mate has all those problems and will lead to similar relationship problems, or to no relationship at all.
(me quoting myself)
Relationship and Attachment
How Do Attachment Issues Impact Adult Relationships?
Around twenty years ago we started turning our attention to the attachment system in regards to adult
relationships. Hazan and Shaver were two of the first researchers who postulated that attachment patterns play
out in adult romantic relationships. They developed a series of questions designed to isolate behaviours in adults
that mimic attachment styles in infants; secure, avoidant, ambivalent, dismissive, disorganised and reactive.
What they found was that not only were adults similar to infants in the way that these behaviours played out in
relationships, but that there was a direct correlation between the style in which someone was parented and the
attachment that person would develop later in life. Hazan and Shaver’s research was pivotal for the way that we
see relationships today, and their work ultimately led to the development of many assessment tools attempting to
gauge attachment styles in adults. One of the more popular tools today is the Adult Attachment Interview (AAI)
developed by Mary Main. Yet the field of studying attachment in adults is still vastly unexplored, and this leaves
many adults searching for answers and therapy that would address their issues.
Attachment disruption is one of the hardest problems to address by parents and professionals due to the fact
that solutions are often counter intuitive and that the symptoms often go unrecognised. Below I have compiled a
list of characteristics I often see in both children and adults with attachment issues. This is by no means a
comprehensive list, rather a cluster of symptoms to look out for when treating a client with identified attachment
problems originating from the first three years of their life.
This is a quote from Mark Coen’s paper presented at the NZAP conference this year (I was not there, but just found it on the website, here.) Copy: TheAttachmentContinuum.pdf
The quote is in line with my experience as a therapist, and he goes on the describe the various relationship styles, useful.
The guidelines for treatment, I’ve just checked again to be sure, do not mention couple therapy explicitly and there are no guidelines there for relationship psychotherapy.
This prompts me to present a relationship therapy paper, it is so essential that the relational paradigm is presented. And a paper won’t quite meet my other principle, that experiential learning is the way to make this case, not really papers. Maybe both would be best.
The Dance
I’ve been overdoing my exploration about the “relational paradigm”. I’ve been reading, writing, integrating & putting into practice Imago & Psychodrama ideas about systems and the locus of therapy.
So I thought I’d give myself a break and read a thriller.
Blinded by Stephen White, who I have read before & enjoyed.
I am only a few minutes into it and there are passages that stimulate me right back into my work passion, no rest!
I will quote them here and share my reflections.
Limited Editions – in the digital world
Question:
In a Limited Edition of digital prints can some be landscape and others square? Is it wrong to meddle with the original file if it is still used to print more in that edition?
Answer:
There is no right or wrong here, who would decide? I have two principles I adhere to:
1. Relationship!
The purchaser has a say. If I have a square one and a landscape version, there is a choice. A purchaser may also have a choice about the size, why not? It is not all democracy. Some prints I just like one way, and I won’t sign what I am not happy to sign.
Now here is an hypothetical situation, one that is possible. Someone owns a print of mine from say a year or two ago, and sees it on my site in a form that they like better… relationship! Talk to me. I may print another one, or replace the old one.
2. Trust.
Editions are what they say they are: usually limited to 25. I stick to that. I will never sell a print below the price of the last one sold in the edition. Prints in the editions may vary a little, one from the other. For one, I sign them on the date I print them, to honour the fact that each print is an actual work, the file is just a file.
You may also be interested in my copyright notice