Tammy Nelson on recovering from affairs
This is the topic of her new book, not yet out? There is a wealth of info here. It is worth listening to a couple of times and making notes, a few of mine follow:
Affairs create curiosity. Reframe the ‘detective’ as someone who is curious, and reframe questions about facts into questions about feelings.
Revision the future & it will create the future. Make the future explicit, concrete.
Attraction involves separateness
Forgiveness is part of it but a trap. Means the end of talking. Implies perpetrator.
Affairs involve sex, thus repair involves sex.
Affairs are not all bad. Crisis can help.
Monogamy agreements vary. A breach of the agreement is what is important, not simply the sex. Dishonesty is the worst
Internet has changed everything.
All affairs are different.
Affairs are not always the result of something wrong in the marriage, they can have their own unconscious purpose. Affairs can reactivate wounds, inorder to heal.
Yearning for growth
Trust is different to safety.