I think they nail it here:
“Imago shifts the focus from the self to the relationship and posits “relationship” as fundamental reality of which individuals are derivatives. To embody this paradigm shift, partners must shift their focus from their own need gratification to the needs of the relationship. The paradoxical outcome of that counter-intuitive shift is that such a sacrifice will insure the satisfaction of their needs in a way that was not possible when the focus was on the self. When the couple becomes partners rather than opponents in the project of creating and enacting their dream relationship, they create a thriving relationship. This perspective rests on the assumption that human beings are intrinsically relational, that the human problem is relational rupture, that all emotional symptoms are expressions of relational anxiety and that relational repair is the only and sufficient path to human well being.”
Beauvoir, Francine; Crapuchettes, Bruce. Getting Back The Love We Had: Forty-Two Answers To Real Questions From Couples Who Feared They Were Losing Their Way (pp. 4-5). Kindle Edition.
2 Replies to “Relational paradigm – Bruce and Francine”
The first part makes obvious sense, why would you not collaborate on something that is going to benefit you? But the *only* path to wellbeing?
“This perspective rests on the assumption that human beings are intrinsically relational, that the human problem is relational rupture, that all emotional symptoms are expressions of relational anxiety and that relational repair is the only and sufficient path to human well being.”
I like the word assumption here. The Freudian assumption is that there is an inner world that is out of kilter. This is not such a common assumption now, there is more understanding that it is the relationship with the therapist that is the source of healing.
In psychodrama we talk of social atom repair. That is relational. Even when other people are not present, with the psychodrama method we concretise relationships. Surplus reality. In reality or in surplus reality we can *assume* that humans are relational.
The way I’m talking now is about the quite mysterious place that lies somewhere in the deep work we do.
It sounds maybe too born again to say “only”. But the relational paradigm is very foreign, individualism has reigned for a long time. In the relational paradigm, the relationship gives birth over and over to the ‘self’.
Whatever wellness is, as you say Dan, you can’t do it alone. See you soon!